Hopeless Romantic
by The 2786 Project
Summary: She is a hopeless romantic. She has been one her whole life. 2786. AU. Haru-centric.
1. Chapter 1

hopeless romantic

description: She is a hopeless romantic. She has been one her whole life. 2786. AU. Haru-centric.

* * *

When she is seven, the idea of happily ever afters and meeting "the one" tickles her pink. When she is seven, she is absorbed in reading. She gobbles up the books (especially the fairy tales,) as her mother would say with a proud tone.

Especially the fairy tales.

The princes on their fancy and well-groomed white horses never appeal to her. The bedraggled and chivalrous knights do.

She is an odd seven year old, she thinks. Girls her age aren't supposed to be thinking about romance.

Girls her age are supposed to be thinking about romance.

She's not quite sure. The romance she thinks of is still unadulterated and young and naive. She doesn't know about abusive relationships or purely sexual relationships. She doesn't know anything of the sort. She doesn't know angst yet.

She is only seven years old. She clings onto the idea of love and warm feelings. She falls in love with the idea of falling in love.

But it doesn't necessarily mean that all her actions and waking moments (or sleeping moments for that matter) are dedicated to love. She occasionally unleashes her inner baking potential when there are yams in the house.

When her parents are fast asleep and her younger sister is doing... something, she plucks out a single yam and peels it slowly. She tries to peel it the way her mother and father peel apples. It doesn't work. Everything moves in a blur and she eventually finds herself ramming the bottom of plastic cups into the yellow flesh, pretending that she's making shapes for cookies.

She pretends that the salt and pepper she's adding onto her "cookies" are really sprinkles and chocolate chip cookies. She tucks in and marvels at her creation. A few minutes later, she is still chewing. But there is less fervor and a crumpled look is starting to form.

It doesn't taste very good, but she forces herself to finish the whole thing.

Imagination is a powerful thing for a seven-year old girl. It can transform yams into cookies, salt into sprinkles and pepper into chocolate chips.

What a powerful thing.

But it is not enough to stop the disappointment welling up in her little heart. She wants to make real cookies. But part of her feels that asking her parents will result in a burden. She doesn't want to do that to them.

Usually, she feels guilty when she asks her parents for things.

A seven year old child's heart is not as light as people think it to be.

When she is seven, she tries to show that she is smart. She lugs heavy textbooks with her to school and reads up formulas on pi and what-not. She pretends to look high and mighty when she sits amongst the other kids but her seven year old mind is aching with confusion and she really doesn't get anything at all.

She brags that the information she's reading is college material. A part of her is ashamed for acting like such a show-off. She shrivels up in shame. But a seven year old is proud and she decides to carry out the act with a high head and a sinking heart.

It is at the age of seven when she realizes she is a show-off and a braggart.

Her dislike for math in her later years can be traced back to the age of seven.

When she is seven, it is her father, not her mother who ties up her hair for her. He ties her sister's hair too. Their hair is always touched by water-rinsed hands and is always combed back with a black brush. At the end of the ritual, her hair is put into an ordinary ponytail. She admires her father.

When she is seven, she is closer to her father than she is to her mother. When he is sick with fever one day, her little seven year old heart freezes up and she desperately tries to do everything she can. She grabs tissues and water bottles and ice and she doesn't know what to do because Father has never been sick. Her father has always been the one caring for her. It's the other way around but the thing that frustrates her most is that she can't even help the person who has always helped her without complaint.

When she is seven, her father flips her over and she smiles radiantly for him. When she comes home from school, he is on his huge bed and looks at her with a warm look. She runs to his arms without a second thought and buries herself in his chest. He calls her his little blanket. She is pleased with the affectionate name. Blankets are supposed to warm up people when they're cold.

It's no exaggeration if one were to say that seven year old Miura Haru wouldn't mind being called her father's little blanket forever.

Seven year old Miura Haru is in love with the idea of falling in love but is not in love. Not yet. In order to understand Haru and the boy she cares for in the present, one has to look back to where it all started at the wee age of seven.

* * *

author's note: You could say that this is a warm-up for me. I'm trying to get the hang of writing again (which I haven't done for a long time because of school.) This is also a sort of... Therapeutic exercise for me. A reflection. This work will have my life integrated with it. Not all of it. But I can tell you this: Seven year old Miura Haru is very much seven year old me.

How many of you are like seven year old Haru?

I will be updating this weekly. My estimate for this would be... Maybe ten or more chapters? It depends on how much you, the readers and I, the writer like it. I do apologize for the roughly written writing... It's been a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

hopeless romantic

description: She is a hopeless romantic. She has been one her whole life. 2786. AU. Haru-centric.

* * *

When Haru is twelve, fairy tales and brave knights fade away. Twelve is the official age for teenage angst. But Haru doesn't know that yet; no twelve year old does. Haru moves from her old neighborhood to a new suburban area. She tears up on the inside as she says her final goodbyes.

No one has told her, but Haru is sure that she will most likely never see her friends again. It's a gut feeling that burns in her stomach and leaves her with a feeling she doesn't like.

Summer ends and Haru goes back to school. No one talks to her and she sinks in her chair. She feels... Small. She sees other kids talking and laughing with each other and she feels alone. But she sees other kids that look exactly like her and suddenly, the crushing grayness disappears.

She is not alone.

Haru takes the bus everyday and there is a boy who is one year older than her. He stands out to her.

Later in the year, she meets a different boy who makes her twelve year old heart flutter. She acts boisterously. Haru is marveled and a little surprised at the character she's taken on. It's not an act. It's...It's something that has always been there. It was just never released. Seven year old Haru and twelve year old Haru were placed in a home that acted as a safety bubble.

Now that the safety bubble is dissipating, she's learning more about the world. When kids say things like shut up and stupid, Haru feels like disappearing into a wall. She can't believe how easy it is for her classmates to toss around such vulgar terms like rag dolls. She remembers the one time she said 'stupid' in front of her mother.

Her mother scolded her and of course, Haru promised to never say such a word again. But like all children who are told not to do certain things, Haru keeps the memory inside of her heart and looks back on it once a while.

In January, Haru is asked out by the boy. She says that yes, I will be your girlfriend and she is ecstatic. Her friends flash her mischievous looks and tell the boy (her boyfriend, she remembers) that if he ever hurts Haru, he will be in for some serious pain.

Haru is sure that they won't do anything even if he does hurt her. She knows somehow that they're not talking about physical hurt. But she appreciates their sentiments anyway. On Haru's very first date, she goes to the park with her boyfriend. Haru's father catches them and it is the first time Haru fears the man who raised her.

When Haru is twelve, she lies to her parents and keeps the boy a secret. The date is the last time they ever talk. She and her boyfriend text, but they don't talk. Haru just keeps on texting and texting until she's bombarding her boyfriend with messages she can't stop. In her later years, she looks back and winces at her twelve year old self.

No one has ever told Haru that it is possible for a person to love too much. It is a shock to Haru when her boyfriend faces ahead and leaves her behind. They're over. Haru cries and cries until her parents look at their twelve year old daughter with suspicious but worried gazes. Haru can't say anything. Her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) was a secret.

She plays sad songs all night and the next day, her ex-boyfriend's final present is around her neck. His ring is on a chain. He looks away from Haru and pretends that she is not there. Her friends are surprised by her outburst (No, he broke up with me!) and as expected, do not act. Twelve year old Haru is terribly broken and her dreams of marriage with the first boy she's ever loved dissipates into thin air.

Her ideals waver, but they still remain strong.

Haru is hurting in a way she has not been hurt before. The pain is alien to her. Haru gobbles down cup noodles everyday. Her younger sister comes home, only to see a broken older sister swallowing five pots of ramen per day. When Haru is twelve, the distance between the two sisters starts to widen.

Haru's selfishness starts to show at the age of twelve. Her self-esteem is crushed and she no longer seeks love. Haru seeks pity and attention. She cries more easily and tells her girlfriends about all the things her ex-boyfriend did to her. I did his projects for him. I wrote his essays. He tried to look at my body. They are not lies, but they are stories not necessary to tell. Haru's seven year old heart is slowly crumbling.

She has changed.

Haru plays the piano with a fervor she abandoned at the age of eight. She plays all sorts of songs. When her teacher asks her what school she'll go to, Haru says that she'll go to the famous music and arts school in the city. Haru allows the words to fall freely from her lips. She doesn't think that she'll be going to such a school.

When Haru is thirteen, she thinks herself as a wild girl. She looks at people with hidden disdain. She scorns more. There are no fairy tales.

Haru doesn't know what to think when she sees her ex-boyfriend in the same classroom. There is a transfer student a week after school starts. She watches him with interest. He has a pink scar on the left half of his face.

She sends a confident grin his way. Confidence, she always tells herself. Confidence is the way.

They talk and Haru accidentally kicks his thingymabobber. Haru always uses that term for the male and female private parts. She is a changed person, but Haru still can't rile up the courage to say the terms vagina or p-penis...

The transfer student ends up dating one of her best friends. Haru can't help but note the awkward silence between the two. The transfer student is easy to talk to. Haru and the boy joke and laugh and Haru's best friend watches with an uneasy eye. Haru's best friend secretly whispers her jealousy to her and Haru doesn't know what to say.

Months pass.

Haru auditions for the music school after her mother urges her to. Haru's fingers travel up and down the black and white keys. She sings the rhythms the instructor taps out for her. She sight reads a piece laid out for her on the piano. At the end of the audition, Haru bows politely with a wide smile and the instructor returns the smile. Haru tastes success that day.

Haru's best friend and the transfer student, now one of Haru's good friends, are no longer a couple. He was never interested. Haru has a terrible secret that she hides from her best friend. She's interested in the transfer student. She likes him. It's a crush that barely scratches the surface of her heart. She doesn't love him. She's only loved one person in her life and he's ignoring her existence.

Thirteen is too young an age to start loving somebody.

Twelve is even younger.

Somehow, the transfer student finds out and asks her to date him during lunch. Haru's eyes widen and she sees the happy looks on her classmates' faces. They urge her to say yes, but Haru is struggling like a fish under water.

She doesn't want to.

"Uh, sure. I'll date you."

It's done.

Everyone whoops for joy and the birth of a new middle school couple is celebrated. Haru catches her best friend giving her a look. But her best friend punches her arm in a friendly way and tells her to be happy. She then threatens Haru's new boyfriend to never hurt her or else. Haru smiles, but inside she is sinking.

Peer pressure is strong.

Haru is not strong enough to hold her head against it yet.

On the day Haru becomes a girlfriend again, her ex-boyfriend looks at her. There is a troubled look on his face. She quirks her eyebrows at him.

You're finally looking at me again?

He doesn't hear it, but Haru does. She tells him goodbye in her heart and tucks away the look on his face in her box of memories. Haru laughs and curses freely with the transfer student and his friends.

The distance between Haru and her family is great. She doesn't understand them. They don't understand her. That's the way she thinks it is. Haru would much rather bask in the presence of her friends than be with the company of her family.

Haru later regrets her thirteen year old self in her heart of hearts.

Haru fails the test that allows students to enter specialized schools. She cries and tells her father that she's sorry. He pats her back and tells her it's okay. She buries herself in his chest and feels like a seven year old again. A few days later, a letter comes for Haru.

She has been accepted to the school she jokingly stated she would go to. Next year, Haru will be going to the arts school located in the city. Haru thinks to herself that the heavens must have a funny sense of humor.

School ends and on the last day, Haru ends up reaching for her boyfriend's hands. He is pleasantly surprised and there is a shy look in his eyes. His hand closes around hers and they hold hands for the rest of the day.

But she does not love him. Her boyfriend is so sweet to her and he does everything for her but...

She does not like him.

During the summer, a bitter taste fills her mouth whenever her boyfriend messages her. He texts her everyday, texting a phantom that will never reply. Haru feels cruel and finds it easy to hate herself. In August, her new boyfriend tells her that they're over through the phone and Haru feels relief.

The bitter taste is still there.

On a hot summer day, Haru is digging deeper in her pit of despair. She hates the person she's become. Her thirteen year old heart cries out for some sort of respite. On the same day, Haru gets into an accident. Both ankles are broken and something has happened to her hips. Everything is a blur. The doctor says that she'll heal, but it'll be harder for her to move. Haru's crying mother weaves in and out of her vision and her father holds her hand with a solemn look. Haru's sister angrily tells her not to die before breaking down. They are a family again.

* * *

author's note: I wanted to get this out as soon as possible! Haru has not met Tsuna yet, so you'll have to wait a bit for the 2786 sparks. What do you think of Haru's new development? I feel like this chapter was not as good as I wanted it to be... Expect the new chapter in a couple of days!


	3. Chapter 3

hopeless romantic

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Here I am with the final chapter of hopeless romantic. I was constantly revising this chapter; I didn't like it. But this captured what I wanted to say most, so I decided on this final revision.

So here we go: the final chapter.

* * *

When Haru is sixteen, there is a dead soul residing within her body. Oh, she certainly is alive. The heaving of her chest is proof of that. But her eyes are that of an empty, lackluster heart. Haru hums to herself a little song as she makes ripples in the bathtub.

"I miss him, I miss him so much I could die," Haru warbles in an off-key voice. She dips her head under the water, with her fingers tracing the smooth texture of the tub. When she resurfaces, her hands are digging into her sides.

"I miss him," Haru whispers before breaking out into tears.

* * *

"Haru-chan! My friend! How do you solve this?"

Haru looks up from her notebook with a bright smile and picks up her pen. "You don't understand this? Well, the problem goes like this..."

While Haru's explaining with a patient disposition, her mind is mildly annoyed with the boy sitting next to her. Friend, Haru tells herself. The word tastes alien and ugly. This boy is not her friend. Haru pauses and tries to rethink the thought again.

He's a friend who likes to use her brains, Haru thinks to herself. Yes, that's far more appropriate. When the boy thanks her and turns away to talk to his other 'friends,' Haru absentmindedly scrawls words on the paper.

'Haru-san's Thoughts.'

'Today is also not very bright at all. Do you think of me? I want to see you. I want to see you again. God, save me. If I could hear your voice one more time... I'm alone. I'm by myself. I want to see you.

I...

Still can't say goodbye.'

When the bell rings, the students chorus their goodbyes to the teacher and file out of the classroom. Haru lingers for a while and flips the pages of her notebook. On the back of every lesson, there is an entry labeled with the title, "Haru-san's Thoughts."

She tightens her grip on the crutches jammed beneath her armpits and slowly walks out into the hallway. Haru patiently waits for the elevator, which seems to have a mind of its' own.

It's better for Haru to gripe and complain about the elevator, rather than thinking about him.

* * *

_It's surprisingly chilly. Haru stuffs her hands into the pockets of her jacket. There's a silly smile on her face. She wonders if she looks charming. She hopes she does._

"I missed you," Haru breathes. "I looked for you everywhere. You didn't pick up your phone, so I thought you got a girlfriend. Or that you were angry at me. I'm so happy."

The boy who is lending Haru his lap as a pillow grins. "I'm happy too." He says. "You liar," Haru retorts. "Why didn't you pick up your phone? I thought- I thought-"

"I lost my phone. In gym. I left my phone in my locker and when I came back from class, it was gone. I was angry. And worried. I thought about you right away."

Haru's smile is that of a love-struck fool. "Really, Tsuna-san?"

Tsuna nods and slowly brings Haru closer to him. "Really."

**Stop**.

And just like that, the memory fades away as Haru wakes up from her little nap in science class.

* * *

When Haru is sixteen, she thinks whimsical thoughts. One day, she thinks to herself that it'd be nice if she could fly. The next day, she thinks to herself that cotton candy pink clouds would be an awfully nice sight to see.

When Haru is sixteen, she is a woman with a cold heart. Her eyes narrow at people's backs when they aren't looking. She doesn't like them. Haru rolls her eyes at the sight of people making out in the hallway and wishes they'd drop into a hole where no one would see them.

When Haru is sixteen, she giggles at 2-D boys and plays otome games on the weekends. Her fingers tap the screen for hours. At school, she shrieks that the boys from her games are the only one for her.

When Haru is sixteen, she is hopelessly, hopelessly in love with someone who she broke off ties with. She calls his name in her mind. Saying his name hurts too much.

When Haru was fifteen, she fell in love. It wasn't the pathetic obsession she held for her first boyfriend, nor was it the fake invention she created for her second one.

But her love for her third boyfriend was real. Who would've known that the boy on the bus from middle school would be still haunting her.

* * *

_"I like you."_

_Haru's heart goes still and the weather turns warm. "I like you too," she confesses as her hands reach for the boy's face._

_He's looking down at her and she's looking up at him._

_Tsuna has a solemn look on his face. Haru thinks to herself that she really likes that expression of his. "Can I kiss you?" He asks. Haru's world drops from the galaxy and begins to circle around him._

_"Yes," she whispers before feeling warm lips being pressed down on hers. When the lips part, Haru finds herself asking for another kiss._

_"One more."_

_In reply, Tsuna tilts his head downwards and leaves the kiss lingering on Haru's lips. Haru thinks to herself that she's never going to let this boy go. She will never, ever let him go. She's finally got him. He's hers. He kissed her. He likes her. She's not letting go._

_Liar._

_You let him go. I let him go. We let him go for a stupid rebound. We were damn idiots for doing that._

_Haru's bittersweet walk down memory lane ends with her crying out Tsuna's name as a salty taste enters her mouth._

_Haru sighs. Tsuna doesn't seem to care for her very much anymore. She leaves the bathroom and walks down the staircase to her boyfriend's living room. He's wearing a blue shirt (god, she loves seeing him in that shirt,) and blue boxers._

_Tsuna glances up at her and then at the movie he's watching on her phone. The rest of the afternoon passes like that. He looks at her and she looks at him. They exchange glances, never speaking or talking._

_When she leaves Tsuna's house, Haru decides that she'll break up with him after all and try going out with the boy she met on the train._

_A couple weeks later, Haru is standing outside. Her hands are in her pockets and music is blaring in her ears. Part of her doesn't want to do it. She's going to hurt him. She waits for an hour, and she finally sees Tsuna getting off the bus._

_He takes his time walking across the street. Tsuna wraps his arms around her and plants a kiss on her lips. He looks so happy- so damn happy and Haru's doubting her decision. She doesn't want to leave him, but-_

_"Tsuna. We have to talk. I... I..."_

_She breaks out into tears and before Haru knows it, she's sobbing and wailing. It's not just because of the boy she met on the train. There's a lot of reasons for why she's breaking up with him._

_One: she didn't know anything about him. He would always change the subject whenever Haru tried learning about his life._

_Two: she was in the way of his future. Haru was sure that her dating him would hinder him from focusing in school._

_Three: their beliefs were too different. That left a bitter taste in Haru's mouth._

_Tsuna acts strong when Haru delivers the bomb. He takes a shaky breath after his demands to know why. Haru feels as if the ground is shaking. She is letting go of him._

_Haru tells him to stop acting strong, to stop hiding things from her._

_Tsuna's eyes are watery, and Haru feels like the worst person in the world. She tells him that it's not the end, and that if they're really meant to be, they'll meet again._

_They walk hand in hand to her house, and Haru kisses him one last time. She kisses his cheeks, his eyelids, his nose and his lips. They joke around as they part ways, but when Haru is alone, a weight as heavy as an anchor drops on her chest._

_She walks in a blurry haze, weeping loudly. As Haru opens the door, the neighbor across the street asks her what's wrong._

_"Have you ever," she sobs. "Let go of somebody you loved most? I can't help but think- will he be okay? Will he be alright? I hurt him. I hurt him."_

_The neighbor comforts her and Haru thanks the man before she walks into the house._

_Then she bursts into tears again. Haru does not stop crying for two days straight. Haru hates herself, because she never told Tsuna about the boy on the train. She had lied to him. _

**I was scum. I let go of him. Stop it. Stop it!**

* * *

Haru punches her hand into the wall. It'd be nice if a mark was left from the impact. Haru glances at the broken golden pieces on her desk. It's the remnants of the bracelet Tsuna gave to her for Valentine's day. Haru would always wear it faithfully. Until now.

"I broke it," she whispers. "I should be able to move on now." Haru bites her lips as the tears flow out again. It's been eight months since she broke up with him.

So why can't she forget? She's sick of crying. She hates herself.

Haru hates that she's still moping, hates that she wants him back, and hates that she ever let him go.

"I love him," she tells the empty spaces in her room. "I love him; I love him!" The words of a close friend Haru's known for years echo in her mind.

"Things will be okay, Haru. You'll move on. It's just a struggle right now. You'll be okay."

Haru slings her arm over her eyes. She's damaged. Both inside and out. She never did recover from the accident a few years ago. She never did forget about Tsuna.

When Haru is sixteen, she is hopelessly in love with a boy who seems to have finally moved on.

"You had your chance," Haru bitterly tells herself. "He tried to talk to you. You're the one who messed up."

When Haru is sixteen, she is full of regrets.

* * *

Final A/N: This whole story was originally created in memory of the relationship I had with a certain boy. Letting him go is the biggest mistake I ever made. But I hope that he is living happily and healthily. Just a word to you fellow 2786 shippers: when you find someone you really love, don't let them go. If you ever have to consider leaving a precious person, make sure you think really, really hard. Because I live in regret every day.

I'm going to try my best. I don't know what I'll update or publish next, but I'll try. Thank you all very much for reading.

-Owari


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